Learning to Cope

I’ve been sitting here, starring at your picture on the wall.
Still trying to discover a way to deal with it all.
No matter how far away, I can still feel your embrace.
And it seems like just yesterday I saw your beautiful face.
Piece after piece, everything about me became broken;
And everything I felt was left unspoken.
It didn’t take long before a friendship was built.
Which is why I continue to carry all this guilt.
I lost every single breath
The day I heard about your death.
For years, no one could tell,
How I was a wreck and going through hell.
I never knew that would be the last day
I would ever see you walk away.
And the reason for the tears I cry,
Is because I never got to say good-bye.
Without any warning, I became extremely lost.
Giving up on life, at any cost.
Ignoring everything I had always knew,
Isolating myself for what I was going through.
I let everything go and started to grieve.
I wasn’t ready for you to leave.
I wanted to be alone, day and night.
Wishing you back to make everything alright.
I have to step back and take a breather
Because every memory cuts me deeper.
I will learn how to live without one another
And things will start getting better.
You were a wonderful friend on every part.
You still live on deep inside my heart.
You are not gone; you are still in my dreams.
For years you have helped with every life’s extreme.
You have given me strength to overcome pain,
You have given me courage to not go insane.
You have carried me through times I am mad
And you picked me up when I am sad.
You are the guardian angel looking over me
Your spirit lives in everything I see.
Day after day, I look back at the years,
And how great they would be if you were still here.
Often I wonder what you would do or who you’d be
But I’ve held on too long, I must let you free.
One day, I know I’ll be fine without you
But you will always be with me in anything I do.
With every step, you lived with happiness and grace.
No one will ever be able to take your place.

Don't Judge Me

Don’t judge me before you get to know me,
for at first I may come off rude.
Though, I refuse
to accept the way I’m viewed.

Don’t judge me for how I view myself
for confidence dies because of others expression.
No matter what others say, I’m beautiful
and I will succeed in self-possession.

Don’t judge me for coming off cold
or for having standards too high.
It’s easy to love but hard to trust
and I deserve the best from any guy.

Don’t judge me for things
you don’t think I can do.
I will accomplish, I will prove you wrong
and I will make it through.

Don’t judge me for being a spitfire
or speaking my mind.
I refuse to be beaten, used or spoken to
with words that are unkind.

Don’t judge me for living life
with my heart on my sleeve.
Love is an amazing gift
that I wish everyone would believe.

Don’t judge me for my poor health
or how it can’t be cured.
For I have learned how to deal
and overcame all I endured.

Don’t judge me for my scars
Each one is beautiful; you should see.
They each tell a story
of how strong I can be.

Don’t judge me if I fall.
At times I’m pushed to my knees.
At times I’m push past the point of breaking
but I will always stand up with or without ease.

Don’t judge me for my choices.
They are all in my past.
I may have allowed them to happen
but I never allowed them to last.

Don’t judge me for not being perfect;
I never claimed to be.
I’m short, I’m deaf; I cry, I love.
but my heart is happy and free.

Pain After Pain

Life can be great and unexpected

But my life seems to be misdirected.

Medication and alcohol doesn’t help the pain

Physically or mentally, it always remains.



Honesty and love is how a relationship is based,

Now it’s lies and hatred; it’s all been replaced.

From friends to family, it’s all the same,

A different face, a different name.



You make promises, you make plans.

Then it’s up me to carry out the demands.

When I call, text, or write,

You never respond until late at night.



Why is it me always chasing you down?

I’m the one driving from town to town.

You know, a phone and a car do go both ways,

That is something I shouldn’t have to say.



I started to think that the problem is me

Is this who I’m meant to be?

Why do I let them get me down?

Why is it my face always has a frown?



I can’t help but feel like a cold hard stone,

Always feeling completely alone.

Why do I drown myself in my own puddle of tears?

I just can’t help to focus on my fears.

Two Lives are Saved

Josh and Amanie had just moved into their new home,
when they decided to go for a rome.
Amanie excitedly shouted to Josh, "We are going to have a child."
Josh was shocked, then cheered and smiled.

Josh took care of Amanie every minute of the day,
He gave her something special every time he turned her way.
One minute Amanie's happy,
the next, she's short and snappy.

Amanie wanted a little girl,
so she could play with the cute blonde curls.
But Josh wanted a little boy,
so he teach him how to use machanical toys.

For weeks, they argued over names.
and different types of picture frames.
A few months later, Amanie went to the doctor
The news they heard was shocker.

The doctor grinned and said,
"I see more than head."
The test of their life will now begin.
The two of them are having twins.

A few weeks later, Josh and Amanie went for a walk
while the two of them enjoyed a nice long talk.
Then unexpectedly, a car drove by real slow,
shot Amanie and she fell to the snow.

Amanie was in the operating room for day, or so it seemed.
But Josh thought he couldn't wake up from this horrible dream.
Soon the doctors appeared in the waiting room and said,
"The bullet missed the babies right above their heads."

"As for your wife,
We are sorry. We did everything to try to save her life."
Josh fell to the floor as a tear trickled down his cheek.
The harder he tried to be strong, the more he became weak.

The accident made Josh have a many doubts,
as he tried to get the funeral cards sent out.
Amanie suffered in a painful way,
But revenge will be set on judgement day.

In memory of Amanie Nicole Lovet. R.I.P!!!!

Let Me In

Let’s not fight, just put the bottle down,
You know there’s a better way.
If you make me smile, instead of frown,
You might give me a reason to stay.

So, put that bottle down, don’t live like this.
Don’t be scared, show me you really care.
Lay all your passion in your kiss
And expose the love you have for me is rare.

Baby, let me in,
I’m the right one for you,
The pain we have is not a sin
And we can help each other through.

Let me in, I’ll give all my affection
But will it be enough?
I’m tired of all your misconception,
Things don’t need to be this tough.

Baby put the bottle down,
Because I’m torn up inside.
Don’t make a sound,
I’m tired of hearing your lies.

Put the bottle down, no need to hide.
Stop the abuse, make things right.
Take away all the tears I have cried.
It’s you and me, let’s start with tonight.

So, let me in,
let me be your guide.
My dreams aren’t ‘now’, they are ‘then’
It’s time we start enjoying life’s ride.

Let me in, into your heart.
That’s where I want to be.
In your arms, that’s a start
To loving yourself and loving me.

This Is Me

Life is cruel, love is tough, and people are rude;
Mostly when it comes to how others are viewed.
No one is perfect, this I’ve learned,
So, why do I allow others to make my heart burn?

When I go out, I’m treated with disgrace,
Everything becomes awkward and I feel out of place.
My whole night becomes dissatisfaction
Due to your words or your actions.

I become ignored like I’m not even there,
When other girls are around, I just don’t compare.
I refuse to make a translation,
All because I don’t meet your expectations.

Even though my emotions start to overflow,
I refrain forever letting my affections show.
Because no matter how old you are,
The words of others still cause scars.

I feel my confidence has been deleted
Due to the way I’m always treated.
My hearts grown cold, my words aren’t sweet,
My scars are deep and incomplete.

Though, I will find that one inspiration,
Who thinks I’m perfect with no hesitation.
Because this is me
This is who I’ll always be!

Making Changes

I've made mistakes, many times.
I've been use, abused, and accused of crimes.
I've been in pain, damaged, and pushed around
I'm misunderstood, neglected, and been let down.

This world is unexpected, misdirected.
There's no respect, always rejected.
Now, I'm changing, starting anew,
And enjoying all angles of the view.

I will soon enjoy living, after picking up all the pieces,
filling in the holes of anger my heart releases.
Never allowing myself to fade,
hitting life head on, no longer afraid.

I'm making alterations,
no more hesitation,
through the duration, allowing myself to see,
the world, your love, and what I can be.

Allowing myself to smile, heal, and grow,
I've learned a lot, but much still to go.
By repairing my heart, I've created a foundation
for happiness and love will soon become my inspiration.

New writings

Hey yall :)
I know it's been a while since I have posted anything on my blog but I just wanted to inform everyone that I am in the process of writing a new poem called My Final Good-bye. It should be posted in the next few days. Again, sorry I haven't wrote anything in a while. That's what happens when you become busy and have writers block. Haha
~ Nadezda ~

Ready To Be Happy

All I want to do is lounge around.
But outside of work,
My world is enclosed by silent sound
That makes me go completely berserk.

I have no friends, I have no love;
I can’t help but be astound.
I feel all alone with no help from above;
It makes me confound.

I message everyone I know,
And I turned to dating sites.
But loneliness I still bestow;
Then it turns into another fright.

I become so depressed,
I lay in my bed and cry.
Everything starts to make me stressed,
But it’s a life I can’t deny.

I tell myself I will meet someone soon,
And finally start living my time.
I’m tired of people being buffoons.
I just want to live happily in my prime.

Giving Up

The best things in life you cannot see,
So how do you know what’s real or not?
Could it be you gave me a reason to believe?
Could it be my heart you actually caught?

You teach me to fight,
And you show me pain.
The darkness of the lonely night,
Makes me completely insane.

How stupid I feel,
To believe such lies.
None of it is ever real,
and everything always dies.

You want to yell and then scream back,
You take it out on the first person you see.
Friendship is the area that you lack
So keep the negativity away from me.

I give my heart,
And I give my soul.
Two separate parts,
Both with one goal.

So what is this void that I feel?
Is it emptiness or heartache?
I have given up on illusions that seems real,
Everything in life is always fake.

I hate to be alone,
And I don’t want love to leave.
But I am already gone,
And one day someone will show me how to believe.

It’s hard for me to trust,
And I’m easy to lose.
But through all my scares,
This is the life I choose!

All my hope has disappeared,
A long, long time ago.
As tears fall from my eyes to my ears
There is not one person I want to know.

From here on out,
There is no friendship, there is no love,
Life is one big doubt,
And I have given up!

So, take me as I am,
And know that I’m not perfect.
I hope one day someone understands,
That I am completely worth it.

Invisible

She sat on the ground studying s she leans against a tree.

Oh how I would give anything if she would notice me.

I couldn't help but sit and stare

as the wind calmly blew her hair.

I could get lost looking in her eyes

because they are as beautiful as a Summer sky.

I love the way her nose wrinkles every time she sneeze

And her smile is as breath taking as a Spring breeze.

She is magnificent in every way,

except for the clothes she wore each day.

It's hard for me to understand

why she wore clothes that covered her hands.

One day as I walked down the hall,

I found her on the floor with no one around at all.

I saw a puddle of blood as I lifted her head.

"Finally someone notices me" she said.

I went to visit her in the hospital room

Where the nurse said, "She'll be back soon."

The doctor opens the door hesitating

as I shook the flowers while I was nervously waiting.

"She had been exposed to awful abuse,

with cuts on her wrist for her pain to get loose.

How long she'll live, we don't know,

so take some time before she goes."

Now I hold her hand with blame;

I could have made a difference if I asked for her name.

All I can do now is show I care,

and ask her to wait in heaven for me to get there

What You Mean to Me

I never see the flaws of others I'm around,
But when I look at myself, flaws are all I have found.
So every time I heard the word 'relationship' I ran and hid
because I never thought anyone would care as much as you did.
Every time you smile at me, my heart melts.
Just talking to you is the comfort I never felt.
That's why I met you, I never meant any harm.
I just couldn't resist you lovely charm.
You helped me laugh, you helped me grow.
You taught me what I needed to know.
You make me happy; you dried my tears.
When you're around, all my problems disappear.
You listend to my life story; you listened to my dreams.
You helped me cope with what it all means.
You have seen me party; you have seen me drunk.
You have seen me pass and you have seen me flunk.
You have heard about the drugs and alcohol,
You have seen how I lived through it all.
Because of you, I have moved on.
My past is the past, now It's gone.
No one is perfect and that you now see,
because you have accepted to real me.
And there will be times we will give each other surprises and scares;
Just remember, I'll always be there.
You make me feel great about myself and what I live for.
I hope I can make you feel the same way, if not more.
Everyday, I will pray for many years
that you will continue to help me deal with my fears.
Through thick and thin, know there is always a way.
I'll be right by your side each and every day!

People Change

You think you know someone and always will,
but the pain you caused them will never heal.
You always say, "you're my friend."
"Anything I need, you're there to lend."
You always say, "You'll forever care."
But now that I know you, you're not even there.
You make comments that are lame,
but I'm the one who's insane.
You're such a jerk; it's hard to read through
the person you are now from the person I knew.
If you want to be rude, dont take it out on me.
Because unlike you, who I am is who you see.
So always remember and never forget,
who we were when we first met.
In time we'll understand that people change
and nothing we do will put us back in our range.
So, please read this and I'll let you go.
There is something I want you to know.
You can't love no matter how sad,
and you can't loose something you never had.

Because of You

I wake up every morning just to see
my one and only love laying next to me.
The way you smile and the feel of your touch
makes me miss you twice as much.
The way you see the world and chase your dreams,
gives me a great feeling of what life means.
No matter my cross, no matter my pain,
you always show me sunshine after the rain.
You taught me to love and you taught me to believe.
It kills me to know you had to leave.
You said, "Love begins with a kiss and ends in a tear."
But you my dear, will always be near.
You helped me develop the life I lead.
I know I'll love again, but you'll always be the one I need.

Sweet Obsession

It’s your smile
It’s your eyes
It’s the way you made me
believe all your lies.
You’re my sweet obsession!

It’s what you say
It’s what you do
That made me
fall for you.
You’re my sweet obsession!

It was once
but never again.
Everything I did
felt like a sin.
You’re my sweet obsession!

I know how you feel
But it’s different for me
If only you would look
into my eyes and see.
You’re my sweet obsession!

Now we are done
You’re no longer there
Your feelings are gone
but I still care.
You’re my sweet obsession!

It’s not me that you want
But any feelings have been true
It’s time for me to move on
and try something new.
You’re my sweet obsession!

Days are Dark

Life can be as beautiful as the oceans waves,

But my days are as dark as tunnels and graves.

The further I walk, the less light I see.

The further I walk, the better I'll be.

Each step I take, I seem to reappear,

Into a world that's far away from here.

Once you open the gate, you can't get out,

And your beliefs quickly turn to doubt.

This place is not very fun,

There is no moon, there is no sun.

This is a place where you face your sins and fears,

That have followed you throughout all your years.

You can try but you will not survive;

Because, Satan has taken everyone's lives!

So, in the dark, for days I'll wait,

Until the world has no hate!

Too Much

There are no words to express what I feel,

Too much pain that may never heal.

Into the darkness, I disappear,

because there is nothing left for me here.


Too many questions I have on my mind,

Too many answers I know I will never find.

My memory is shattered into many parts,

and with those pieces will go my heart.


Too much confusion to figure out,

Too much heartache piled with doubt.

Take away, I must live alone,

I won't be missed, no one knows I'm gone.


Too much determination to promise to,

There isn't much left for me to do.

Making me think they really do care,

Is worse than actually being there.


Too many wars I have fought,

Too many souls I have caught.

Too many battles, faults and sins,

This is a battle I will never win.


Once I'm gone, I'm gone for good,

I hope my story is understood.

I will missed even by you,

and I am a person who you once knew.

September 11th

We never had a tragedy that caused so much hestitation,
Until the day that shocked our nation.
One airplane crashed into the North Tower
and I sit here at school wondering if we still have our power.
As the North Tower blows up in flames,
here comes a second hijacked plane.
What is going through our minds is plenty enough,
and now seeing it on t.v. makes even more tough.
People in the streets stand shocked and scared,
as cops and firefighters have so much belief and care.
Debris and ashes fly through the air,
as people franticly wonder if their loved one is still in there.
The South Tower began to fall
with people and all.
Soon after, the North Tower fall to the ground.
For hours, searchers look in hopes people will be found.
Minutes turned into hours as hours turned into days.
News stations show firefighters stopping to pray.
Too much disappointment; too many tears.
Our minds filled with anger; our hearts fill with fear.
Us Americans weren't the only ones that knew,
what kind of heartache and trouble we were going through.
We will not fall apart;
We will fight back and stand up to every fight that starts.
There is no reason why
we should let our freedom die.
Our flag still waves as it stands.
"Our flag was still there" will always be
a special meaning to others and to me.
But as our flag still waves,
We are the "Home of the Brave!"

Hit and Run

I was trying to concentrate really hard,
as I was taking a huge Chemistry test.
Something inside of me made me shake,
but to finish to my fullest, I wasn't at my best.

I stop to hear what the principle had to say,
as she hestiates on the intercom.
"One of our fellow students died today."
So, please sign the card for her mom.

She was a wonderful child,
who was loved in many different ways.
With life long potential
and much more to say.

She cared for anyone with problems
and helped with every part.
She was a smart girl
who had a loyal heart.

She was walking out to get the mail
as a car sped around the curve.
Hit her and ran away,
who could have the nerve?

A memorial is set
for anyone to attend,
on the corner of main street
where her life came to an end.

We pray for her
and her family too.
Now we can say our last good-byes,
to the varsitycheerleader who helped us all through.

On the Wings of a Hawk

Fly with me over the mountains and through the valley,
just to see what I see.
If I were on the wings of a hawk,
I'd fly jsut to fly free.

On the wings of a hawk
I fly away from here.
I fly really fast
because I have nothing to fear.

I would be strong and perfect,
So no one would touch me.
They would leave me alone,
and just let me be.

I love to fly in circles,
or around the block.
And I know I'm safe from harm,
because I'm on the wings of a hawk.